I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
