..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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