Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

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(630): View more from Illinois

the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.

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(209): View more from California

I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.

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(818): View more from California

he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

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(703): View more from Virginia

keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

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(817): View more from Texas

I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.

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(858): View more from California

He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone

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