i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
