We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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