brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
