he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
