i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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