my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mom said you looked used
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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