I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
