Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
