fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
