Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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