I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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