Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
