I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
