Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
