You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize