there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
