she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
