the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
