I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
