I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
