Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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