i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
