Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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