so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
