Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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