its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
