I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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