Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pants are for mortals
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
