If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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