Banned from zoo.
Again?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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