i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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