i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
