On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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