You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
