If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
