I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
