Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
