dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
