soooo we both peed the bed last night...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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