Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
