why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
