Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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