Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You have to summon your inner elephant
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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