apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
