dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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