He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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