Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
