New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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