My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
