A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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