there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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