We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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