theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
