I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
