My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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