these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
there is glitter all over my balls
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