i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
