there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
