I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just cropdusted the office
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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