her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
