i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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