just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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